I love you.

I need to change the tone of this blog for a hot sec. I need to throw away the calorie counting, the calorie journals, the scale, the gym, my running shoes, and all of my ideals for what I would like my body to look like.

I just want to talk to you. I want you to know that, no matter what your size, you are beautiful, and I love you. I love you because you are strong, because you are smart, and because you are special. You are all unique, and different, and wonderful. No diet, no specific way of eating, or running, or living, will work for all of us. These are very individual things that we need to find out for ourselves. Something I am trying to teach myself, actually. When I talk about Radical Self Love, I'm not telling you to turn around and love yourself immediately. I am telling you to learn how to love yourself again, and to learn that whatever way you are--is the way you should be.

The days your jeans don't fit, the days your self esteem is crap, the days you just want to curl up in a ball because "you can't do it". Those days happen, those days are relevant in most of our lives. Embrace those days, learn from them, but do not kill your spirit. Do not think that because you had a slice of cake that you are worth less than you were before. Do not think that because society told you to be a certain way, a certain size, that you have to be that way--bitch, you don't gotta change a thing- haven't you heard?

In my personal journey I do want to lose weight, but I do want to stress that losing weight won't make me a better person, a happier person, a more trustworthy or loveable person-it will not change a thing but the number on the scale.

I'm going to promise myself to learn to obsess less-even if that means taking a break from blogging, or from the gym. Weight loss/ Weight gain/ Weight in general- does not dictate who we are.

It ain't the size of your ass that counts, it's the size of your soul.

& baby, you got lots of soul.

I love you,
Mama

Radical Self Love...Pays Off

This week I demonstrated a lot of Radical Self Love, by letting myself have a few extra sweets, taking a break from the gym, and just doing my "thing". And...um...I lost 3 pounds. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! PEOPLE! LOVE YOURSELVES! YOU will get the results you want! Of course I'm back on the horse again today, starting a new cleanse (it is not fasting or a diet. It's food combination) I will provide you with more details later today. But I just HAD to do a update post, I'm so impressed with the power of LOVE!!

Like a bird on the wire.

I've tried in my own way, to be free.


WARNING this is a pretty depressing blog, not like my usual self-loving posts. But I think this will have a happy ending, we shall see:

So, friends, I have to admit that despite my verbal swagger, and my seemingly bubbly tone I am a fucking hot mess as of late. I cry all the time, I fall asleep while I'm trying to finish homework, I yell, I scream, I basically have temper tantrums. It's honestly, pathetic. But something that my mama and something that I guess, I've even taught myself is- we all have days like this, and we all even have months, years, or weeks like this. But, we have to find a way to seek the help that we need.

I started seeing a psychologist for free at William Paterson. It's a pretty sweet deal, what's better than free mental health? Nothing! But, again, NOTHING comes for free. I cry way more than I want to, and sometimes reveal things about myself that I don't like, or would like to forget. But, how can we have physical health, and financial wealth, without having mental health? We truly can't. I can't be of mind, body, and soul--without a stable mind.

A few things that are proven to help increase your mood: Yoga, chocolate, wine, running, friends, family, reading, napping, psychology, psychedelic drugs (though I don't recommend that), tea, jumping rope, swimming, & exercise of any kind.

I have to increase my endorphins, I know that that might be a huge reason I've been so down--I haven't been hitting up the gym as I normally do.

The point of this post is for me to vent, but to also let you know that-

all those times you've been sad, I've been sad too.

All those times you've been lonely, I've been lonely too.

I love you all, let us all start learning how to love ourselves again.

Let us begin the week of RADICAL SELF LOVE. I'll see you there.

Update blog, a bit early.

Not to prematurely shoot my load, but, I weighed myself this morning and I'm feelin pretty good about it, especially since I've been eating WAY over my limits this past week. -2.5 pounds.

It ain't trickin if yah got it.

The sun drips down like honey.

Honey! Lets talk about the health benefits of honey & my new obsession with: eating it, calling people it, using it on my face, etc... Let me break it down to ya:

There are 3 key benefits that honey can provide you. The first one being: Honey is natures 'energy booster' what this means is honey has a natural way of boosting your metabolism, which then increases your energy. Honey is full of (good) carbohydrates and fruit sugar, which, in moderation, is wonderful for you! Take a spoonful of honey before your workout (like I do) and it will help you boost your workout maybe an extra few steps or even an extra mile.

The second, and most impressive, health benefit is it's "immunity system builder" properties. Honey’s antioxidant and anti-bacterial properties can help improve your digestive system and help you stay healthy enough to fight off disease. It was even written in many articles that Honey, though it can't cure cancer, can be used as a preventative. Honey possesses carcinogen-preventing and anti-tumour properties. Those smart bees.

The third, and probably most useful to my readers, is that honey can be used as a....HANGOVER REMEDY! See, Mama always takes care of you. When you have a headache or another ailment from drinking too much the night before, combat that shit with HONEY! Honey is gentle enough on the stomach and it contains a mix of natural sugars (fructose) which is known to speed up the oxidation of alcohol by the liver, acting as a 'sobering' agent. *Fun fact about bee's: Bee's are drawn to the smell of alcohol and actually get drunk if they have a taste. Outside of the bee hive there are "bouncer bee's" which do exactly that, when they see that some bee's are coming back to the hive drunk, they kick them out and sometimes kill them. Oh, bee's!!
(Let's see who brings in more honey, BZZ)

And a recipe for perfect skin that my mother taught me is:
2 TBSP Honey
1 Mashed Banana
2 TSP salt
Combine in a bowl and rub on your face. The salt acts as an exfoliant, where the honey and the banana act as cooling/masking agents. Leave on for 5 minutes. Then proceed to wash, or lick, off of your face. (JK don't lick it). You'll feel silky smooth. NOT for people with acne! (For people with acne switch out the banana for TOMATO, the acid in tomato's is amazing for troubled skin).

I love honey, this week I'm going to try to use it as much as I can, but again, all in moderation. Honey is high in calories, but if used responsibly it is totally, 100% fine. Put it in your tea, use it instead of sugar while baking, put it in your greek yogurt, or just take a spoonful. Enjoy the benefits that this delicious treat has to offer you.

Update photo's. As promised.

"I love my bitches, I love my bitches, All my bitches we all ambitious."
-Trina

Obviously no drastic changes, also thats me showing off my "muscles" and "toughness" after a really intense work out.

On my way to grandma's for dinner, and even though it's raining, I'm running there instead of driving. Then yoga from 8-9 tonight.

MAMA

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Hi! It's been, 2 months, since I've updated. I have FAILED you all, and I am sorry. But this is still going to have to be short, since I am finishing up a paper & 2 other assignments, hence the reason I'm blogging at 5:00AM. I'm also talking to Tori. Duh.

My camera isn't working right now but I will be posting an update photo tomorrow, no worries! I just wanted to blog & get it out there that I am STILL on this journey with you, babies.

So, over the past 2 months my weight did not go up, but it hardly went down at first, but, 2 months later I do stand before you (or before my computer screen) at -4 pounds. It's not much, but I ain't hating it!

Running, yoga-ing, and walking. Not as much as I should be, but the beginning of a new job/ new semester is very tough. Especially when you try to include 90 minutes of exercise A DAY. DAMN!

Recipes & life updates to come this week! Is saying "stay tuned" too tacky?

Aw, fuck it.

STAY TUNED!

-mama